WEEKLY COMPETITION

nnomads Golf Club

‘Weekly Competition 2014’

Latest weekly results – 2014
Date: 7/12/2014 Course: Yarrambat, Yan Yean, Victoria
Curtis - Winner on nnomads handicap Stavros - NTP	‘Curtis Conquers the Course’ It had rained all night and much of the morning as Stavros the Greek, Nurse Min and Curtis drove out to The Bat for another Yarrambat kind of day. And as was expected, the rain stopped just before tee off and didn’t return for the rest of the day, except for a couple of drops in the middle of the round. This left Curtis plenty of space to perform which he certainly did on the first nine shooting 39 strokes off the stick. Not to be outdone, Nurse Min and Stavros worked hard to retrieve the situation which Stavros did quite successfully after Curtis started to falter on a hole or two. But it wasn’t enough because Curtis (86,16,70) held off The Greek by one stroke (96,25,71) to take most of the Bladder points available on the day. Mind you, Stavros did get a point for an NTP on the 16^th which gave him slight boost on the bladder (see updated Bladder). And as would be expected after performances like those Curtis and Stavros both came in slightly (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates Curtis on a convincing round and reminds members of Tommy Armour who famously said “Golf is awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result’’
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Previous weekly results – 2014
Date: 26/10/2014 Course: Yarra Bend, Fairfield, Victoria
Nurse Min - Winner on nnomads handicap Curtis - NTP	‘Nuse Made Bends’ In preparation for the Melbourne Cup Cup in the couple of weeks’ time, Stavros the Greek, Nurse Min and Curtis faithfully turned up for a pre 9am tee off at Yarra Bend, the traditional home of the MCC. The weather proved lovely and the course in wonderful condition making this weekly competition the perfect Sunday morning activity. True to his recent form, Nurse Min played out of his skin making Curtis’s sensational performance look somewhat mediocre. In fact Nurse Min (100,34,66), put in a four stroke under the card performance beating Curtis (83,16,67) by one stroke at the end of the day. “Jeez I think this is controversial win Nurse Min because the handicaps haven’t been updated since the BIT” emphasised Curtis who was pretty happy with his 83 strokes off the stick. “Stop complaining Curtis. At least you took out the NTP” smiled Nurse Min as he happily accepted the winners prize of two balls. This meant the Nurse took most of the Bladder points (see updated Bladder) while the handicaps have still not been updated (see old unchanged handicaps). The committee congratulates Nurse Min on another impressive game and reminds members of Lee Travino who famously said “My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.’’
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Date: 26/9/2014 Course: Yarra Bend, Fairfield, Victoria
The Bloke - Winner on nnomads handicap	‘Bloke Bends It’ So while everyone else was anticipating the grand final parade in the city The Bloke and Stavros the Greek snuck away to Yarra Bend for an early pre-parade game of golf. And with the 8.30am tee off they had the course to themselves on a truly beautiful sunny morning just perfect for golf. As could be expected, the competition was close with both players within a stableford point after the first nine holes. But that is when The Bloke took control scoring par after par, in fact 6 in total. “Just couldn’t get a birdie all day” moaned the Bloke in the car park later in the day. This resulted in an under the card performance of 39 stableford points beating a lagging Stavros by 6 points (33 stableford points). This meant it was The Bloke who took the Bladder points (see updated Bladder) and it was The Bloke who had his handicap slashed by a stroke (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates The Bloke on a brilliant game and reminds members of Arthur Daley who famously said “Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.’’
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Date: 6/9/2014 Course: Yarrambat Park Golf Course, Yarrambat, Victoria
Curtis - Winner on nnomads handicap and NTP	‘Curtis Backs Up at BAT’ Who really knows but reportedly there was a weekly competition held at Yarrambat last week and reportedly it was a fabulous day. From what we understand, it was Curtis, The Bloke and Rubber Man who participated in the competition and what a day they reportedly had. From what we understand it was a sub 100 strokes day for all and a very competitive competition. While The Bloke and Curtis were within a stroke of each other at the turn, it was Rubber Man and Curtis that came home strong each gaining 25 points on the back 9 holes. And if the Bloke hadn’t got 8 strokes on the last hole it could have been very close indeed. But the final scores showed there was a difference between the players with Curtis (84,19,65 – 43 stableford points) easily beating The Bloke (35 stableford points) and Rubber Man (33 stableford points). And to top it all off, it was Curtis that took out the NTP getting to within a few feet of the flag on the 16^th hole. This meant it was Curtis who took out the Bladder points (see updated Bladder) and it was Curtis who had his handicap slashed by a stroke (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates Curtis on another convincing performance and reminds members of Arnold Palmer who famously said "Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening - and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.’’
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Date: 23/8/2014 Course: Yarrambat Golf Course, Yarrambat, Victoria
Curtis - Winner on nnomads handicap	‘Curtis conquers BAT’ Well it really was another Yarrambat kind of day with the sun shining and breathless conditions. Hence, Curtis and Stavros the Greek felt pretty lucky to be on course that Friday knowing that the rest of the world was out there working, or at least they were not playing golf. As you would expect, almost perfect conditions meant there was nothing standing in the way of some perfect golf and that is the way it was, almost! Once again the game was tight throughout with the lead changing multiple times. And once again it came down to the last couple of holes at which point Curtis brought it home in style (39 stableford points) leaving Stavros struggling in his wake (36 stableford points). This meant it was Curtis who took out the Bladder points (see updated Bladder) while handicaps were again unchanged (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates Curtis on a brilliant performance and reminds members of Gary Player who famously said "Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.’’
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Date: 25/7/2014 Course: Dorset Golf Course, Croydon, Victoria
The Bloke - Winner on nnomads handicap	‘Door opens for the Bloke’ It was The Cardinal who had originally talked about playing at Dorset golf course to assess the changes made to the course in recent times. But it was The Bloke and Stavros the Greek that actually did it on a fine Friday afternoon in late July. And the verdict was mixed with the first nine deemed to be as it always was albeit with some improvement and the second nine deemed to be excellent for a public course in the backstreets of Croydon. As for the game, it was close and tight right up to the last couple of holes. But it was The Bloke (32 stableford points) that finally displaced Stavros the Greek (30 stableford points) to take out the Bladder points available on the day (see updated Bladder) while handicaps were essentially unchanged (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates The Bloke on another superior performance and reminds members of P.J. Wodehouse who famously said "Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.”
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Date: 8/7/2014 Course: Yarra Bend, Fairfield, Victoria
The Greek –Winner on nnomads handicap	‘Beware Greeks bearing Gifts’ Tuesday is an excellent day for golf because so few working people can get on a golf course on a Tuesday, which means the course should be almost empty which proved to be the case. All this perfectly complimented the winter sun and a very green luscious Yarra Bend course resulting in the perfect conditions for a weekly competition, although I use the term ‘weekly’ very loosely. And a competition it was with Stavros the Greek two stableford points behind The Bloke on the 15^th hole, then one stableford point ahead on the 17^th hole setting up the perfect decider on the last. …. Again! …. Do you believe it? …. But unlike the last time they met, Stavros the Greek won through in style and took out two points (33 points after finding his first ball on the last) while The Bloke ‘cracked’ and had a wipe (30 points after going over the back of the green on the last, drubbing it a couple of times, and all that …). “What a gift” exclaimed The Greek as they headed for the car park. I mean clubhouse. So at the end of the saga Stavros the Greek took it out by three stableford points, points earning him the two Bladder points on offer (see updated Bladder) while neither player’s handicaps changed (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates Stavros on a great comeback performance and reminds members of P.J. O’Rouke who famously said "Golf combines two favorite Australian pastimes: Taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.” (Note: Actually, he said 'American pastimes' but we thought modification was the better part of valor …..) or something like that!
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Date: 27/6/2014 Course: Gardiners Run, Lilydale, Victoria
The Bloke –Winner on nnomads handicap	‘Gardener gives The Greek a run for his money’’ Well finally a weekly competition was run at Gardiner Run, The Phil Ryan designed, 5,649 metre (off the white tees), Men’s Scratch 70, slope rating 120, newly opened Chirnside Country Club members (but open to the public) course in Victoria Road, Lilydale. But did this course deliver you ask? Certainly did! The Bloke and Stavros the Greek had a fabulous Friday afternoon discovering this future diamond hidden away at the foot of the Yarra Valley. Both agreed this will be a great course in two or three years and well worth the effort to get out there……. errrh……. ENOUGH OF THE ACCOLADES ….. So at the turn The Bloke had it well under control, playing the horrendously windy conditions like a true champion (3 Stableford points in front). But Stavros the Greek fought back, gaining the lead back around the 15^th hole, only to stumble badly on the 17^th. This meant it was even-Stephens (excuse the pun) as they teed off on the last hole. And both players got tremendous drives away before ….well……… hmmmmmm ….. The bottom line was that The Bloke took it out by one point making sure he got the available points on the 2014 Bladder (see updated Bladder) while neither player’s handicaps changed (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates The Bloke on another great performance and reminds members of Winston Churchill who famously said "Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.”
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Date: 10/5/2014 Course: Yering Meadows, Yering, Victoria
The Bloke –Winner on nnomads handicap	‘Bloke Beats up The Valley’ Yet again it was two man competition, this time at Yering Meadows on 71.7 rated, 6024 metre Valley Course (holes 10 through 27). And once again the weather was glorious proving that autumn can be very kind in Melbourne when it wants to be. And this time it was The Bloke and Stavros the Greek who competed for the points although the competition proved to be pretty one sided at the end of the day. “I stupidly had a lesson given to me as a gift by my wife. That really stuffed up my golf” explained a depleted Stavros at the end of the round. And he was right because The Bloke came home with a very reasonable 33 stableford points which could have easily been more. “I just kept on missing those critical puts. If I sank a couple of those I could have been even with the card” emphasised a somewhat disappointed Bloke after the game. However, he didn’t have much competition because Stavros could only manage 23 points claiming he was distracted by thinking about what the golf professional had told him the day before. The bottom line was that The Bloke got the points on the 2014 Bladder helping to maintain his lead year to date (see updated Bladder) while there was little movement in either player’s handicaps (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates The Bloke on a great performance and reminds members of Gerald R Ford who famously said “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.”
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Date: 13/4/2014 Course: Yarrambat Park, Yarrambat, Victoria
Curtis – Equal winner on nnomads handicap and NTP Stavros – Equal winner on nnomads handicap	‘Curtis and Stavros cut up a Bat’ Well it was another two man competition on another Yarrambat sort of day except that the course was terrible! The greens were a mess; a number had significant damage while the remainder were long, bumpy and very slow. “Something has happened! They’ve had a biological event or something” suggested Curtis which clearly meant that the upcoming ANZAC day medal had to be moved, something that Don Johnson was unlikely to be happy about. Within this context, Curtis and Stavros the Greek, didn’t do badly, being neck and neck on the last hole. And even though Stavros came in under Curtis on the last, Stavros had left a couple of holes off the card (forgot to score), which Curtis subsequently corrected, only to show that in fact Stavros hadn’t won at all. In fact, Stavros and Curtis had somehow both ended up on 39 stableford points, a staggeringly good outcome for both players. Further, Curtis pointed out that the winner only gets a single ball (which is true for two players), implying that equal winners only get half a ball (a logical conclusion), which when rounded up, as one always does in golf “Look at the rules Stavros, look at the rules” suggested Curtis (and it’s true), meant that both Stavros and Curtis had won a ball. In addition, Curtis pointed out that the rules state that the NTP is held on the shortest hole unless otherwise stated at the beginning of the round (which is true). And as no one had got on the 16^thgreen (which was true), and no one had mentioned NTP on the 16^th (which is true), and no one actually said which hole was to be the NTP at the beginning of the round (which is true), which meant that the NTP was on the shortest hole (a logical conclusion), which was the 8^th hole (which was true), which Curtis happened to get on in one (which is true), which meant that Curtis had won the NTP (which was apparently true if you followed all that). All this meant that Curtis had apparently won 2 two balls (equal 1^st and NTP) and Stavros apparently only won a single ball for coming equal first. This of course meant that Curtis gained the majority of points on the 2014 Bladder (see updated Bladder) and brought down his handicap by one stroke. Stavros’s handicap remained the same (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates Stavros the Greek and Curtis on a pair of truly gifted performances and reminds members of Arnold Palmer who famously said “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game, an eraser.”
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Date: 4/4/2014 Course: Yarra Bend, Fairfield, Victoria
The Bloke – Winner on nnomads handicap Stavros – NTP	‘The Bloke Bends It’ It was only the two of them that turned up to Yarra bend last Friday to contest a not so weekly competition, being Stavros the Greek and The Bloke. And while there had been some time since the last game, both players were primed to perform particularly as the autumn weather was so pleasant and the course was in great condition. As it turned out, The Bloke was in spectacular form (87, 20, 67) shooting three strokes under the card and one stroke under the ACR. Stavros on the other hand had a more average round (102, 28, 74) but picked up the NTP for his efforts. This meant that The Bloke got the main pool of points on the 2014 Bladder (see updated Bladder) while both handicaps remained the same (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates The Bloke on a sensational performance and reminds members of John Updike who famously said “The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.”
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Date: 23/2/2014 Course: Yarrambat Park, Yan Yean, Victoria
Stavros – Winner on nnomads handicap and LD Curtis – 2nd on nnomads handicap and NTP	‘Stavros takes out a Bat’ So it was another Yarrambat kind of day with beautiful weather and a course as it used to be (rock solid off the fairways and huge amounts of bounce and roll). As would be expected, the kangaroos were in large numbers and in fine form, lying all over the fringes of the greens and tees making the gallery look very attentive albeit casual. Hence, the three contenders Rubber Man, Curtis and Stavros the Greek all felt comfortable and very much at home as they contested this week’s competition. Of significance, was the fact that this was the first competition under the new nnomads GC rules for lost balls and the need to hit a provisional from the original spot or add two shots to the card (see latest rule decision in Around the Traps). However, the new rule proved to be irrelevant on the day because every player went into a water hazard at least once but otherwise didn’t lose a ball. This was particularly important for Stavros (95,29,66) who routinely loses 3 plus balls per round. It also meant that he beat Curtis (88,21,67) by one stroke with Rubber Man (95,25,70) a couple of strokes behind. “I was disappointed really. If Stavros lost his normal quota of balls I would have won easily and that was a key reason I moved the motion to change the rules in the first place” moaned Curtis in the car park after the round. Readers should note that all players shot sub 100s off the stick, a somewhat unusual but sensational occurrence. Curtis took out the NTP on the 16^th while Stavros took out the longest drive on the 15^th. This meant that Stavros and Cutis got the points on the 2014 Bladder (see updated Bladder) while both Stavros and Rubber Man came in by one stroke (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates Stavros on an excellent performance and reminds members of Bertrand Russell who famously said “The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.”
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Date: 10/1/2014 Course: Yarra Bend, Fairfield, Victoria
Curtis – Winner on nnomads handicap	‘Curtis conquers the climate’ The weather report predicted 34 degrees and it was at least that on course. But that didn’t hold back Curtis who took on Yarra Bend with a vengeance. “Look I haven’t played here since 2009 so I thought I had better pull the finger out” suggested Curtis as he was presented with his prize. That is not to say it wasn’t close because Curtis (89,21,68) only took out the weekly competition by one stroke from The Cardinal (95,26,69) while The Bloke and Stavros the Greek were a little further behind. The only other prize on the day went to The Bloke for as sensational NTP. In fact they had to get out the measuring stick to see if Curtis or The Bloke was closest to the pin. This meant that Cutis, The Cardinal and The Bloke got the first points on The Bladder for 2014 (see updated Bladder) while the handicaps hardly changed (see latest handicaps). The committee congratulates Curtis on a brilliant return to the Bend and reminds members of Bruce Lansky who famously said “We learn so many things from golf - how to suffer, for instance."
	The Cardinal – Second on nnomads handicap	The Bloke - NTP
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