nnomads Golf Club

The Balnarring Invitational Tournament 2014

Winner on handicap: Date: Course: Competitors: On course coverage: Prize winners:

Nurse Min 11^th October 2014 Moonah Links - Legends Player groups BIT 2014 On course at the BIT 2014 BIT presentations 2014

Event Report:

‘Nurse has a BIT of his own’

Saturday 11^th October 2014: This year was the 12^th running of the Balnarring Invitational Tournament (BIT) which unlike last year was not controversial at all. For example, this year Clean Phil played the full 18 holes, unlike last year. For example, this year all the prizes were awarded as planned, unlike last year. For example, three South Australian interlopers turned up for the event, unlike last year. For example, the cost was all inclusive, unlike last year. In fact nothing out of the ordinary happened at all, unlike last year. “Now look here, that is not quite right. What about the controversial quorum and subsequent decisions on the Saturday night? What about the controversial profit made on the event by the club? What about Critey’s Lazarus act, coming third after not finishing the day before? What about the inability of players to add up their scores and the subsequent miscalculations of the final results?” retorted The Cardinal who in fact came equal second but wasn’t awarded equal second prize at the time.

National representation: Setting aside from the apparent controversy, this year there were players from five Australian mainland states, once again creating a truly national field albeit no representation from the ACT, unlike last year. “And why didn’t Bobbie and Roger the Lodger not turn up this year?” asked a bewildered Nurse Min. “They are still recovering from the shock of coming last year” explained King Billy who was not at all surprised at the absence of those famed Can Cats. “Well at least we introduced some new blood to the field” emphasised a rather pleased Tanunda Kid referring to Boog’s first time attendance at the BIT.

Once again, the field for the BIT in 2014 was sixteen players strong which meant there were four player groups for the admiring gallery to follow. The first group onto the tee under the eye of the Moonah Links course marshal consisted of Rubber Man, The Tanunda Kid, Slugger and Mild Colonial Boy. They were closely followed by Critey, Maroon Breasted Warbler, Markus Octavious and The Hanging Judge. Then Boog, The Cardinal, Nurse Min and King Billy followed in the third group with Freddie Five Iron, The Bloke, Clean Phil and Stavros the Greek rounding out the field in the last group. “One of the finest fields I’ve participated in since the PIS fell off the event calendar” announced Boog being suitably politically correct. “He had to say something like that while on foreign soil didn’t he? He’s just sucking up to the organisers for an invitation next year” observed the normally accurate Hanging Judge (see BIT player groups 2014).

Challenging course: So this year the BIT was played on the Moonah Links Legends course for the first time. And what a course it was, clearly living up to player expectations. And to top it all off, the weather was sublime setting up the perfect scenario for some brilliant golf. “Well not quite! I certainly didn’t expect the need to use both of my five irons” disagreed Freddie Five Iron after reading the previous sentence. “You should try a sand wedge in those bunkers Freddie” suggested The Maroon Breasted Warbler who was pleased at the opportunity to implement the knowledge gained in his golf lessons the previous week. “Golf lessons are cheating aren’t they” questioned Markus Octavious in a somewhat facetious mood. But it didn’t matter because the field was in fact very impressed with the exceptionally challenging course.

Up to the challenge: As readers would expect, the difficulty of the course brought out the best in most players with some truly exceptional on-course performances on display. For example, Rubber Man was seen diving out of his cart as Slugger tried to execute a three point turn at 40 KMs per hour on a sixty degree incline. “Poetry in motion. It was like watching an action movie in slow motion as he flew gracefully through the air” confirmed the Tanunda Kid when describing the event later that night. “Graceful might be a bit of an exaggeration but it was certainly entertaining” confirmed Mild Colonial Boy during the presentations. In fact Group 1 conjured up three nominations for the ‘Oh My Gourd Award’ which resulted in the whole team being awarded this most prestigious award later that night.

Other memorable on course performances included The Bloke’s fantastic longest drive of the 18^th and his brilliant NTP on the 5^th, the Tanunda Kid’s stupendous longest drive on the 9^th, Boog’s magnificent NTP on the 3^rd and Nurse Min’s incredible NTP on the 10^th. Hence, the media pack had their work cut out trying to cover the frenzied activity (see selected video footage on course and photo footage on course in 2014).

Nurse gets a BIT of his own: This year was particularly special because at the end of the day it was event sponsor Nurse Min (107,34,73) who won his own event for the first time in its 12 year history. In fact, he won it very convincingly because the next best two players were four strokes behind being Stavros the Greek (102,25,77) and The Cardinal (103,26,77). However, due to some miscalculations alluded to above; The Cardinal was not recognised at the time because someone in his group didn’t add up the scores properly. Rather, it was Critey (114,36,78) who was awarded third place, a very popular outcome within the players attending the presentations. “Quite rightly so. It’s not my fault you Mexicans can’t add up eh” reinforced Critey when informed of the miscalculation. “Yeah, I have had the same problem with these Mexicans at the Uralba Open. It’s not your fault they are numerically illiterate” agreed King Billy by text a week or so after the event. And of course King Billy was right because the club rules state that it is the players’ responsibility to check the cards and once presentations have been made there is no going back. “I can’t find that anywhere in the club rules” protested The Cardinal who was drowned out by the raucous goings on as the presentations and celebrations continued into the night (see 2014 BIT presentations). “I am very happy to present this trophy to Nurse Min …” started out last year’s champion, Mild Colonial Boy as he passed over the perpetual BIT trophy to this year’s most deserving champion. “But it predictably degenerated into a Laurel and Hardy type scenario didn’t it” pointed out Clean Phil who was absolutely correct as usual (see video of 2014 BIT presentation).

The committee congratulates Nurse Min on finally winning his own event and of course all other prize winners on the day. Special thanks to event sponsors Day-n-Nite Electrical, TM Enterprises, Hydralyte, Omnifoods, Yalumba Wines and Sunny Creek Berry Farm because without their support the event just wouldn’t be the same. The committee also suggests that members book early for next year’s event because places may be in high demand when a number of absentee members return in 2015.

Detailed Results

The Balnarring Invitational Tournament 2014

Player	Gross	HCP	Net	Stableford points	Prizes
Nurse Min	107	34	73	37	Winner on nnomads handicap, NTP
Stavros the Greek	102	25	77	33	2^nd on nnomads handicap (but should have been equal second)
The Cardinal	103	26	77	35	Nothing (but should have been equal 2^nd)
Critey	114	36	78	33	3^rd on nnomads handicap (but should have been 4^th) and ‘Endurance Award’
Mild Colonial Boy	100	19	81	32	Best off the Stick and ‘Oh my Gourd award’
Freddie Five Iron	122	36	86	26
The Bloke	104	18	86	25	NTP and Longest drive
Maroon Breasted Warbler	115	29	86	26
The Hanging Judge	110	23	87	23
Boog	115	26	89	24	NTP
King Billy	115	25	90	25
The Tanunda Kid	113	23	90	23	Longest drive and ‘Oh my Gourd award’
Rubber Man	114	22	92	21	‘Oh my Gourd award’
Slugger	116	23	93	26	NTP and ‘Oh my Gourd award’
Markus Octavious	128	31	97	21
Clean Phil	140	36	104	15	‘2014 Narga - Barman’s award’

Note: Some weeks after the event the scores were checked when calculating Stableford points for the purposes of handicapping. A number of errors were detected during this
process. The above table reflects the correct results. However, no changes to prize winners are allowed after the presentations. Lesson? Players must learn to add up correctly.

Player groups BIT 2014

On course at the BIT 2014

BIT presentations 2014

Selected on course video coverage

Video of BIT 2014 presentations

This month’s competition: Why did Clean Phil win the Barman’s award in 2014?