Critey conquers the Tasmanian tundra

Thursday, August 27th, 2009: After sending in an advance party to sus out the scene (Garry, JB and Min – ”Very wet and very green. Come on down” was the report), the rest of tour party arrived in force at Launceston airport that Thursday afternoon (except the hanging judge Jack who was still in a Melbourne court and due to arrive the following evening). They were there to contest the Patricia Isabel Slape Memorial Golf Tournament (The PIS) for 2009 which was to be held at the magnificent Barnbougle Dunes in Bridport, about an hour to the east along the coast.

Security was tight at the airport as the tour party was whisked through the adoring crowd into a convoy of suitably equipped eight seater vans hired to transport the tour to the said venue. “Pale ale anyone?” asked JB who began to hand out refreshments as the convoy sped through the countryside towards its destiny. Clearly this was going to be a challenging weekend for all who aspired to win the converted Green Jacket in 2009.

Friday, August 28^th: Now the original plan was to ease into the weekend with a casual Friday visiting local wineries and generally preparing for the two day competition to be held on the Saturday and Sunday. However, the weather had been filthy during that week and was threatening to be filthy again over the weekend, except for the Friday which appeared to be a window of perfectness. Hence as the Friday morning blossomed into that perfect day, tour organiser Nicko announced that the competition would begin in two hours, which sent the tour party into preparation frenzy. “Excellent. That eliminates one of the Victorians from the comp – the Hanging Judge” beamed reigning champion Ricko, who fancied his chances for back to back titles in 2009. “Make sure you don’t leave Min behind” called those in the first van as they speed away towards the course.

A beautiful links course: Set on 200acres of undulating coastal dunes with breathtaking landscapes that mirror the wild coastal links courses of Scotland and Ireland, Barnbougle Dunes, is rated Australia’s #1 public access course, world #7 public access course and thirty fifth best course in the world overall. Designed by famed golf architect Tom Doak and Australia's Michael Clayton, the Barnbougle golf experience strikes all the senses. “With the sun on your back, the wind in your hair, the whiff of sea salt and the roar of the ocean you are captivated by all that Mother Nature has to offer” is the way they describe the experience on their website (see http://www.barnbougledunes.com.au). And that wasn’t far from the truth on day one of the competition.

Challenging tee selection: Barnbougle Dunes boasts four tee positions each with varying degrees of difficulty. For the 2009 PIS tournament, tour organisers chose the ‘Boobyalla tees’, a 5,642 metre, ACR 70, Par 71 course designed for players with handicaps of 5 to 17 strokes. As there wasn’t a single player with a handicap under 18, Boobyalla was an obvious choice setting the scene for a challenging competition. “It’s good to know we are playing on an appropriate course” nodded Dewy as the course was announced prior to the game. “Agreed” smiled Critey and JB who were wondering whether tee choice would make any difference. Note: Boobyalla is named after a native shrub that adorns the course but the tour talked mainly about the Marram grass that adorns the edges of the fairways (although they didn’t use the term ‘Marram’ to describe it). The Marram grass added a particular dimension to term ‘challenging course’.

Elite competitors toast Patricia: So it was within this context and magnificent scene that Nicko produced the compulsory pre game shot (choice of brandy, port or whisky in the three bottle set), in order that the tour could toast Patricia before stepping onto the first tee. And it was an elite group of competitors that stepped up first including past champion Jacko, current champion Ricko, tour organiser Nicko and without ‘o’ on the end of his name Steve. The second group was equally impressive with past champion Harry, new to the tour with a huge reputation Garry, and tour veteran with a proven track record but without a ‘y’ on the end of his name Boog. They were closely followed in the third group by past champion Greenie, almost past champion JB and aspiring champion Thombei, all with an eeee sound at the end of their names (although strictly speaking Thombei ends with an ‘aaaa’ sound). The final group maintained the already high standard with ‘don’t let the golf get in the way’ Critey, winemaker extraordinaire Dewy and on course medico Minnie, just to keep the eeee thing going. The massive gallery following the field had a tough decision when choosing which player group to follow (See player groups day 1).

And the cream rose to the top: As was expected, the course lived up to its name, taking down some of the great names of the game in the Marram grass, bunkers and water hazards. We won’t mention names but there were some regrettable performances as the lost ball total started to rise alarmingly across the field. “I used all of mine and then borrowed some from Min” admitted Dewey later but that another story.

Yet in between all the carnage a core group of competitors played some very good golf including Jacko (95, 24,71) and Nicko (95, 20, 75), the only players to break 100 off the stick in the first round. The other two stand out players were Critey (114, 39, 75) and Boog (105,27,78) who rounded out the top four places after day one of competition. Steve (101, 21, 80) was next on the list and the best of the Victorians, while the rest of the field trailed out behind him through the eighties and beyond. This meant that at the end of day 1, Jacko was sitting even with the card (net 71) a full four strokes in front of Nicko and Critey (net 75) and Boog (net 78). “Today I came here to set a standard. Tomorrow I will exceed it” stated a confident Jacko who was very happy with his round. It was clear that winning the PIS 2009 was going to require an exceptional performance for anyone outside the top four players at the midpoint of the tournament. But stranger things have happened and exceptional performances do occur. Was this the year that a backmarker would blitz the field in the second round?

All stepped up to the challenge of round two: As it turned out, it rained most of the Friday night and there wasn’t much change by Saturday morning. Hence, as the players made their way out to Barnbougle Dunes for the second day of competition, the mood was slightly damp as the tour party came to grips with the presenting conditions. That’s not to mention the collateral damage resulting from the outrageous activities the night before but ‘no names no pack drill’ on this tour. “That right. What happens on tour, stays on tour” reinforced Thombei who was seen working his way through the crowd in the public bar of the Bridport hotel late into the previous night, but that is also another story.

So with umbrellas in the air and no motivation for group media photos (see group shot of some players on day two), the first group comprised entirely of past PIS champions, Ricko, Jacko, Greeny and Harry, stepped onto the tee. They were quickly followed by the rest of the field. Note: Because we don’t have any media shots, and it was a hard Friday night, and the collective memory is impaired, so we can’t remember and we don’t have the score cards, we can’t actually name the groups. However, be assured every player on tour was in attendance, including the ‘Hanging Judge’. So there was no doubt that everyone on the tour stepped up to the challenge. And lucky they did because half way through the competition the rain faded into the background and the magnificent Barnbougle Dunes turned once again into the golfing paradise it promised to be. So it was a beaming tour party fresh from their exhilarating experience that congregated on the desk of the club house for a few beers at the end of the round all wondering who had taken out the green jacket for 2009 (see on course in 2009).

Champagne and pinot: And of course they had to wait until next day to find out. So it was after another long dinner and celebratory night at the Bridport hotel (or early morning) ‘no names no pack drill, that the tour party eventually congregated at a local winery to taste some fine bubbly and undertake the presentation ceremony (Note 1: Actually it wasn’t just a winery. It was Janz. For those that were not aware....for the fourth time in six years, Janz Tasmania Premium Vintage Cuvée was chosen as the ‘Nation’s celebratory wine’ – an unprecedented achievement, or at least that what their website says (see http://www.jansz.com.au). (Note 2: This was after a pinot noir tasting at another winery earlier in the morning with an equally impressive pedigree, but I can’t remember the name. “Great pinot at 10am the morning after” commented Boog at the time, who like many tour members, responded well to the liquid stimulus). But back to the presentations at Janz where tour members were well and truly smiling as Tour Leader Nicko started to work though the results from the minor mentions to this year’s PIS artist.

Critey conquers the tundra: And the tour party erupted as Nicko announced that Critey with a net 152 strokes across the two rounds had beaten Jacko by two strokes (net 154 strokes) to take the green jacket for 2009. This was the first time Critey had won the green jacket and he clearly was elated despite Nicko saying he had won it before. “There is only one winner...this year” grinned Critey as he quickly settled into the PIS Green Jacket (see video of ‘Green Jacket’ presentation).

Jacko almost delivers: Second place getter Jacko, deserves a solid mention after winning the Gungagalunga Trophy for best off the stick. “He delivered on his promise. He just didn’t win” noted Nicko at some point in the proceedings. Readers need to understand that Critey and Jacko were over ten strokes in front of the next best player Boog (net 165 strokes) and the rest of the field behind him. So it was these two competitors that produced the exceptional and consistent performances over the weekend. They both deserve the recognition and respect they earned from their peers over that weekend.

Outstanding performance recognized: As usual, the outstanding performances over the weekend were recognised and rewarded. For example Boog won the longest drive and the NTP, Greeny won the NAGA award, Dewey won the ‘Flower-arrangers’ award for highest single gross score 2009’, Thombei (with an aaa) won the ‘The Bob Hope Fellowship Award’ (AKA the pineapple award) for ........, and Dewy won the ‘The lurkin' in the mirkin’ award (AKA lost in the c__t grass award) for the most balls lost in the Marram grass. Honourable mentions went to Greeny for 10 shots out of a bunker, Boog for the ‘biggest airy in the history of the game’, Minnow for ‘consistent show of good grace and manners’, Parksy as a ‘welcome to the tour’, The Hanging Judge for being a ‘Part timer’ on tour, and Steve for ‘sage and insightful wisdom on both great football codes’. As you can imagine, the media was in a frenzy hustling and positioning to get photos and interviews with the new champion and the stream of award winners (see 2009 PIS presentations).

Another brilliant tour: And so another PIS was put to bed as the tour weaved its way back Launceston airport for the flight back to reality. The mood in the airport bar was a combination of elation, satisfaction, exhaustion and deflation as the last few ambers were put to bed. The jubilant Crow eaters were happy in the knowledge that the Jacket had remained in South Australia while the Victorians lamented another opportunity lost. “I’m working on a new nobling strategy for next year” grinned Thombei (with an aaa) with a mischievous eye. “Who will you noble? Them or you” asked Min thinking back over the weekend. “Just don’t let the golf get in the way” smiled the 2009 champion Critey as he boarded his plane. And the tour party followed somewhat humbled in his presence. ........... So if you were not there to see it all you really missed out on another truly brilliant PIS tour.......Because all those that went unanimously give thanks to Patricia for an exceptional golf experience!

Results: The Patricia Isabel Slape
Memorial Golf Tournament 2009

	Event	Round 1		Round 2		Total		Final Ranking
Player	Handicap	Gross	Net	Gross	Net	Gross	Net
Critey	39	114	75	116	77	230	152	1
Jacko	24	95	71	107	83	202	154	2
Boog	27	105	78	114	87	219	165	3
Nicko	20	95	75	111	91	206	166	4
Ricko	32	121	89	111	79	232	168	5
Min	32	115	83	119	87	234	170	6
JB	40	127	87	127	87	254	174	7
Steve	21	101	80	118	97	219	177	8
Dewy	40	122	82	135	95	257	177	9
Tom	22	111	89	111	89	222	178	10
Harry	23	117	94	114	91	231	185	11
Garry	22	133	111	108	86	241	197	12
Greeny	18	114	96	130	112	244	208	13
Jack	18			117	99	117	99	14

Groups day 1

On course in 2009

The PIS presentations 2009

Presentation video

THIS MONTH COMPETITION: Two tour members presented with Mirkins. Name them in alphabetical order.