Ricko Takes The PIS in 2008
Thursday, July 3rd, 2008: ‘More wine?’ asked
Steph as the Victorian team had a second helping of sensational pasta at their pre
tournament warm up luncheon in McLeod, Victoria. In attendance at the time were
Harry (alias Teflon), Min (the mighty), Tom (alias Thombei the mist) and Steph
(the chef) who were preparing themselves to cross the South Australian boarder
to contest the Patricia Isabele Slape Memorial Golf Tournament for 2008. ‘Shouldn’t we be drinking South Australian
wine’ queried Min as he poured another Cloudy Bay sauvignon blanc. ‘You have got to be joking. We will get
enough of that over the weekend’ retorted Harry as he finished off the
Cloudy Bay chardonnay. Little did they know how true that statement was but
that’s another story.
As usual, the nnomads Golf Club policy of not travelling
together was employed to ensure at least part of the team got there safely. This
allowed Harry and Captain Ricko to have a few pale ales in the Cooper’s Bar at
Adelaide airport as they waited on the rest of the team to arrive. ‘How come I always have to pick you guys up’
queried Captain Ricko as he realised he had once again been landed with the
dubious responsibility of chaperoning the Victorian team. ‘I guess the organisers wouldn’t trust us to roam around Adelaide on
our own’ suggested Steph as the ‘team’ piled into the Ricko mobile. But it
wasn’t long before Ricko got used to the idea, slipping into the role of
perfect host once again. For example, after a session of appropriate welcoming
behaviour, he guided the ‘team’ down to the Seacliff Hotel for a brilliant meal
followed by a long night of conversation and refreshments. This
laid the foundations for a wonderful weekend or did it?
Friday, July 4th The Links - Lady Bay: So there were a few sore heads at Marino Rocks on the Friday morning
as they waited for tour organiser Nicko to swing by on the way to Lady Bay
Resort at Normanville for the traditional Friday warm up round of golf. Waiting
eagerly on the tee when they got there were Boog and Jacko who had been
allocated the task of showing the Victorians what they would be up against over
the next few days. ‘We want to make sure
you guys feel reeeally welcome’ emphasised Nicko as he drove off to the car
park dragging Harry’s golf bag along the ground behind his vehicle. ‘Hmmm, this might be a tough weekend’
concluded Min, Tom and Steph as they watched Harry chasing Nicko and his golf
bag down the road.
Now the Links Lady Bay golf course was designed by golfing
greats: Jack Newton, Graeme Grant and John Spencer. Overlooking the Fleurieu
Coastline of South Australia this ACR 74, 6400 metre championship course
features top fairways, subtle bent greens and classic links style bunkering. ‘Are the greens bent because of what we
drank or do they do that on their own?’ questioned Steph after reading the
previous description. But of course it didn’t matter because it was just a warm
up round before the main event to be played the following day. Thus, the
players just lapped up the magnificent conditions and played until was dark,
getting in around seventeen holes (see photos
from The Links at Lady Bay).
Then it was off to Victor Harbour to meet up with the rest of
the tour members, although that somewhat under sells the travel experience. ‘Follow us, we know where we are going’
lied Jacko as he took off cross country in his Subaru with Boog and Harry. And
cross country it was as the three vehicles travelled at high speed down dirt
roads, rutted tracks, glancing off kangaroos and other wildlife (although no
one would own up to that until later in the night). ‘Look it wasn’t like that. We hit the brakes, and locked up well before
we hit anything. The kangaroo hopped off without damage and there wasn’t a
scratch on the car. It just wasn’t a major story’ claimed Steph who was
driving Ricko’s car at the time.
Eventually we arrived at our destination, the 100 year old
Grosvenor Hotel located in the centre of Victor Harbour with its wide balconies
and friendly staff. As would be expected Normie and Christo were already in the
front bar warming it up for the rest of the tour members who slowly trickled in
over the next few hours. Pub grub was the order of the day as was eight ball,
although a very tall local bloke called Lurch dominated the pool table all
night beating eleven players in a row. ‘We
wanted to play against each other or play in teams but we couldn’t get the
xxxing table away from that bastard Lurch’ moaned a disappointed Christo
later in the evening. But it didn’t matter because tour members were bonding …
and bonding they continued late into the night. This is where the Grosvenor’s
upstairs balcony came into its own. ‘I
was told these South Australians were a pack of xxxxxxds but they are nice
chaps really’ mussed a surprised Tom, who as you can imagine, really
enjoyed the bonding experience. And, as you can imagine, all tour members
subsequently slept very well on the first night albeit, a relatively short
sleep for most.
Saturday, July 5th McCracken Country Club: Fortunately, the Grosvenor does a great breakfast which helped a
number of sufferers prepare for the
day. And that was important because the day ahead promised to be particularly
challenging. After all it was the first day of the Patricia Isabele Slape
Memorial Golf Tournament for 2008 and it was to be played at McCracken Country
Club.
Designed by
Tony Cashmore, the McCracken Golf Course offers coastal breezes and elevated
fairways. The ACR 72 course features 74 bunkers and water in play on several
holes with 14 lakes constructed within a beautiful setting of natural
watercourses and gentle slopes. ‘Well,
that’s what the website says, but in short – ‘water, bunkers and houses’ in a
repetitive pattern’ suggested Jacko, who had played there before (see website photos of McCracken Country Club).
And so it was as an extremely promising group of competitors that
stepped up to the first tee after the obligatory swig to the honour of Isabel
(choice of Jameson’s Irish whiskey or Tequila). The first group away contained
last year’s champion Harry, tour organiser Nicko, rally car driver Jacko, and
generally bad boy Boog. They were closely followed in the second group by past
champion Ricko, got the new clubs under control Boz, and I think I should be
fishing JB. Following them in the third group was first time to the event Beau,
Victoria’s best hope Steph, and Lurch’s best mate Christo. Bringing up the rear
in the last group were two times previous champion Normie, damaged with fern in
leg Tom, damaged with cracked rib Min, and wine maker extraordinaire Dewy (see Player groups day 1).
Play to Win. Don’t Let
Your Golf Get In The Way: Just to digress for a moment, after reading that player list
you will note there were some obvious South Australian absentees in 2008
including ‘don’t reply to invitations’
- Greenie, ‘ignore the invitation’ –
Fruitcake, and ‘I’m going to Queensland’
– Critey. In fact, these three chaps are serial offenders as none has completed a PIS tour in the last two
years (although a couple of them have turned up for bits of the event). Despite
this contemptuous behaviour, an absentee Critey was able to set the theme for
the PIS 08 Tour in an email circulated just prior to the event. The email went
like this: “I realise you will all be
depressed by my absence. Play to win! Don’t let your golf get in the way. Best
Regards, Critey” . So there you have it - “Play to win. Don’t let your golf get in the way” subsequently
became constantly quoted throughout the weekend. “Well, I found it inspirational” claimed Boz at the time, which
might have helped explain his spectacular performance.
Barossa Boys Dominate Day 1: So staying
with the theme, at the end of day one, Boz ended up net 61 strokes, which was
eleven strokes under the card, and six strokes clear of next best player. His
off the stick score of 101 strokes, combined with his bandit handicap of
40 strokes, made him unbeatable on the day. “He hasn’t done that before. He just played out of his skin today”
confirmed a smiling tour leader Nicko after releasing the day one results. “Well after playing golf only twice in the
last twelve months, I just didn’t let my golf get in the way. That was the
secret” admitted Boz when swamped by the media in the post match press
conference.
Another very impressive performance on day one came from Tour
Organizer Nicko, who was eighty seven off the stick and five under the card on
a net sixty seven strokes (87, 20, 67), putting him in second place overall. “I would have caught Boz but I let my golf
get in the way” sighed Nicko as he calculated how far Boz was in front of
him. Now, two strokes further back was ‘The Captain’ Ricko, who ended up three
under the card (105, 37, 79), after another ‘out of his skin’ performance. “Look, I played like a champion, I ended up
three under the card, and am only in third place. It shows how hot the
competition was out there” suggested Ricko at a doorstop interview later
that night. And he was right because players like JB, who ended just one over
the card (111, 37, 73), and Steff who was just three over the card (94, 19,
75), were both ten plus strokes behind the leader. “I’m not discouraged. I know I can win if I don’t let my golf get in
the way” stated JB emphatically in the front bar of the Grosvenor later
that night. “Look I was happy on the day
but I do wonder about the PIS handicapping system” mussed Steph who observed
that the top four players after day one were all South Australians and all with
generous handicaps. “It’s just sour
grapes. Anything can happen tomorrow and particularly with the high
handicappers” winked a smiling Jacko who finished just out of the top five
(102, 26, 76). “Yeah and particularly
when you’ve got those Barossa boys so far out in front” sighed Boog who
unusually, let his golf get in the way on day 1 (see photos of day 1 of competition at
McCracken).
A Big Saturday Night: Well as you can imagine the
Saturday night was an enjoyable affair.
Some players dined in the front bar while others ate in the pub down the
street, and yet others forgot to eat at all, or at least until later. The
Australia versus France rugby test in the front bar was popular early in the
night as was the dozen or so bottles of red wine served by Dewy on the balcony
later in the night. “It wasn’t just red
wine mate, it was quality red wine” corrected Beau by email after reading
the previous line. “And of course the Jaz
cigarettes went like wildfire. We couldn’t keep up with demand” observed
Normie and Christo who have since considered importing them from Indonesia, but
that’s another story.
And throughout the night was a smorgasbord of great
conversations and storytelling. Like the one about Ricko offering Min as
payment for the meal in the pub down the road. “The waiter was over feminine in his service approach so I thought he
might like Min instead of the money. He certainly had a look before seeing a
very negative reaction from Min” explained Ricko later in the night. Then
there was the one about Dewy being told to watch the back of the ball, after
which he drilled these shots with a five wood he was told he couldn’t use. “The guy he borrowed them from said he
wouldn’t to be able to use the five wood but Dewy proved him wrong”
confirmed Normie who had witnessed the performance. Then there was Steph and
Tom’s visit to the local sex shop late on the Friday night. “Look we were looking for takeaway and from a
distance we thought was a pizza shop with all those flashing lights”
explained Steph sheepishly the following morning.
All Present and Accounted For on Sunday Morning: So it was with some surprise
that all tour members were present as the model train worked its way around the
Grosvenor’s breakfast room on Sunday morning. In fact, some members like Tom
had been up for hours, walking out over the causeway to Granite Island to watch
the sunrise. “Yeah but he was in bed by
10pm so no wonder he was able to get up” countered Jacko who for some
reason was contemplating an alcohol and tobacco free day. And tour members were
relatively quiet as they ate their breakfast and watched the police question a
number of staff and other guests across the room. “Two young guys did a runner from a Taxi after visiting those raucous
women in Room 22. They are not interested in us older chaps” explained JB
after getting the lowdown from a manager. Then slowly the tour party turned
their minds to the important issue of the day, the final round in the Patricia
Isabele Slape Memorial Golf Tournament for 2008.
Victor Harbour GC Turns
Them On: Perched on a hill at the back of Encounter
Bay, the Victor Harbour Golf Club is a 5,962 metre, ACR 71 rated course that
provides a serious challenge for most golfers. As usual, the player groups on
the second day were dictated by the ‘off the stick’ order of merit on the first
day. Thus, after the obligatory toast to Patricia (choice of Jameson’s Irish
whiskey or Tequila), the first group to step up included tour organisaer Nicko,
last year’s Champion Harry, tournament leader Boz and still Victoria’s best
hope Steph. They were closely followed by group two with last year’s second
place getter Jacko, two time previous champion - Normie, and one time previous
champion - Ricko. The third group off the tee contained potential Jaz cigarette
importer Christo, can’t win it the first time Tom, and I’m not thinking about
fish JB. The final group on the day consisted of I can still win with a cracked
rib Min, watch the back of the ball Dewy, I’m still a member at Grange Boog and
not usually during the day Beau (see photos of Player groups day 2).
A Stream of Quality Performances: The quality of the field suggested there would be some
sensational golf played that day and indeed that was the case. For example,
twice past champion Normie got around in 95 strokes, which was the lowest off
the stick score on the second day. But this was only good enough to get him
equal third place over all. “I gave it my
best shot and I was happy today but I let my golf get in the way yesterday” he
recalled in the bar later that afternoon. For example, Jacko got around in 96
strokes, second lowest off the stick on the second day. But again this was only good enough to
get him into equal third place overall with Normie. “My golf was ok but I let my rally driving get in the way” sighed
Jacko as the results were announced in the club house after the round. For
example, tour leader Boz followed up on day 2 with a gross score of 124 strokes
which when combined with his truly brilliant first day score, put him one
stroke ahead of Jacko and Normie in second place overall. “I was disappointed today but had a great time all the same. In the end
I let my golf get in the way” he explained as the final results were being
announced. For example, tour organiser Nicko got around in 102 strokes which
when combined with his 87 strokes from day one gave him the lowest ‘off the
stick score’ over the two days of competition, a very impressive performance
overall. But it was only good enough to get him into fifth place. “Golf is all about attitude but today I
think I let my golf get in the way” he smiled as he prepared for the
presentations.
But The Captain Kicked Arse: There
was tension in the air as tour players focused intently on tour leader Nicko
running down though the final scores. Slowly, the winner became clear and a
clear winner he was beating the field by fourteen strokes across the two days
of competition (see full table of results below). It was now two time champion
‘The Captain – Ricko’ who again played out of his skin on the second day.
Highlights included Ricko’s best ever nine holes (47 strokes), his best ever 18
holes (99 strokes) and his first and only birdie ever. “Yes the birdie on the seventh was inspirational. It was a pleasure to
watch” confirmed playing partner Normie who also got an incredible birdie
on the third hole, but that’s another story (see photos of day 2 of competition at Victor
Harbour GC).
Presentations Were a Hit: And so
it was as tour leader Nicko went thought the presentations for 2008. He started
with first time player Beau, who took out the Brutus Thornapple Encouragement
award for highest off the stick. “I
feel honoured to get anything after letting my golf get in the way all weekend”
he smiled as the photographers jostled for position. Next on stage was Christo,
who after missing last year’s event, was able to take out the extremely
prestigious Bob Hope Fellowship Award for 2008. “My golf may have been average this year but I didn’t let the jaz
cigarettes get in the way” he claimed loudly over the applauding crowd of
onlookers. Then came the perpetual ’Captain Goodvibes” picture for ‘best off
the bat’ across the two days of competition and as mentioned previously, tour
leader - Nicko took out this award for the second year in a row. “Again I’m happy with that performance
despite my golf getting in the way at times” he smiled at the cameras.
But the highlight of the presentations was where last year’s
winner Harry and tour leader Nicko helped an elated Ricko put on the coveted
PIS green jacket for 2008. When asked what do you say Ricko, he replied “gungagalunga” as would be expected (see short video of Ricko’s reaction and
see 2008 presentation photos including an
extended video of Ricko’s acceptance speech).
There Ended The Lesson: And a lesson
it was in how to participate in a truly sensational golf event. And maybe there
was a lesson for us all in how to select the right set of clubs to play in an
event like this. For example, Ricko put together a special set of golf clubs
for the PIS 08 that were a combination of his grandfather’s, some he bought
from the Salvation Army and a selection of Critey’s clubs to fill in the gaps. “Yeah the neighbours were wondering what
Steph was doing in Critey’s backyard when we went to get the clubs. I took
Critey’s Big Bertha, a couple of irons and a pitching wedge to finish off my
set” he explained to the media who wanted to see what sort of clubs the
2008 champion was using. It will be interesting to see what Ricko does next
year when Critey returns to the PIS 09 tour (or will he?).
Poor Victorian Form: Eventually
the celebrations wound up and tour members went their separate ways. Steph had
to drive Ricko’s car back to the airport while ‘The Captain’ celebrated loudly
in the passenger seat with ‘Jumping J Hawkins’ and ‘Vegetarian Stardust Cowboy’
blasting in the background. Ricko made sure the Victorian team were well aware
they were not taking home the green jacket in 2008.
So under the circumstances the Victorians were in pretty good
spirits as they flew eastwards towards home that night. “They really know how to run a tour” they all agreed at the next nnomads
Golf Club committee meeting. “But I’m not
sure about their handicapping system” queried Steph to a few nodding heads.
“We played to win and tried not to let
the golf get in the way. That’s all you can do” suggested Min as the
meeting ended and they retired to bar. “Are
those cat fur slippers you are wearing Min?” someone was heard asking later
in the evening, but that’ another story.
Results: The Patricia Isabel Slape
Memorial Golf Tournament 2008
|
Current |
Round 1 |
Round 2 |
Total |
Final
Ranking |
|||
|
Gross |
Net |
Gross |
Net |
Gross |
Net |
||
Ricko |
37 |
106 |
69 |
99 |
62 |
205 |
131 |
1 |
Boz |
40 |
101 |
61 |
124 |
84 |
225 |
145 |
2 |
Jacko |
26 |
102 |
76 |
96 |
70 |
198 |
146 |
3 |
Normie |
27 |
105 |
78 |
95 |
68 |
200 |
146 |
4 |
Nicko |
20 |
87 |
67 |
102 |
82 |
189 |
149 |
5 |
Harry |
25 |
104 |
79 |
105 |
80 |
209 |
159 |
6 |
JB |
38 |
111 |
73 |
126 |
88 |
237 |
161 |
7 |
Tom |
22 |
106 |
84 |
102 |
80 |
208 |
164 |
8 |
Stef |
19 |
94 |
75 |
109 |
90 |
203 |
165 |
9 |
Christo |
28 |
107 |
79 |
115 |
87 |
222 |
166 |
10 |
Boog |
27 |
116 |
89 |
110 |
83 |
226 |
172 |
11 |
Min |
33 |
120 |
87 |
121 |
88 |
241 |
175 |
12 |
Dewy |
39 |
136 |
97 |
134 |
95 |
270 |
192 |
13 |
Beau |
35 |
136 |
101 |
141 |
106 |
277 |
207 |
14 |
Video of Ricko reaction (large file)
Video of Ricko speech (larger file)
THIS MONTH COMPETITION: What was the
publican missing and where did mins new cat fur slippers?