Ricko Takes The PIS in 2008

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008: More wine?’ asked Steph as the Victorian team had a second helping of sensational pasta at their pre tournament warm up luncheon in McLeod, Victoria. In attendance at the time were Harry (alias Teflon), Min (the mighty), Tom (alias Thombei the mist) and Steph (the chef) who were preparing themselves to cross the South Australian boarder to contest the Patricia Isabele Slape Memorial Golf Tournament for 2008. ‘Shouldn’t we be drinking South Australian wine’ queried Min as he poured another Cloudy Bay sauvignon blanc. ‘You have got to be joking. We will get enough of that over the weekend’ retorted Harry as he finished off the Cloudy Bay chardonnay. Little did they know how true that statement was but that’s another story.

As usual, the nnomads Golf Club policy of not travelling together was employed to ensure at least part of the team got there safely. This allowed Harry and Captain Ricko to have a few pale ales in the Cooper’s Bar at Adelaide airport as they waited on the rest of the team to arrive. ‘How come I always have to pick you guys up’ queried Captain Ricko as he realised he had once again been landed with the dubious responsibility of chaperoning the Victorian team. ‘I guess the organisers wouldn’t trust us to roam around Adelaide on our own’ suggested Steph as the ‘team’ piled into the Ricko mobile. But it wasn’t long before Ricko got used to the idea, slipping into the role of perfect host once again. For example, after a session of appropriate welcoming behaviour, he guided the ‘team’ down to the Seacliff Hotel for a brilliant meal followed by a long night of conversation and refreshments. This laid the foundations for a wonderful weekend or did it?

Friday, July 4th The Links - Lady Bay: So there were a few sore heads at Marino Rocks on the Friday morning as they waited for tour organiser Nicko to swing by on the way to Lady Bay Resort at Normanville for the traditional Friday warm up round of golf. Waiting eagerly on the tee when they got there were Boog and Jacko who had been allocated the task of showing the Victorians what they would be up against over the next few days. ‘We want to make sure you guys feel reeeally welcome’ emphasised Nicko as he drove off to the car park dragging Harry’s golf bag along the ground behind his vehicle. ‘Hmmm, this might be a tough weekend’ concluded Min, Tom and Steph as they watched Harry chasing Nicko and his golf bag down the road.

Now the Links Lady Bay golf course was designed by golfing greats: Jack Newton, Graeme Grant and John Spencer. Overlooking the Fleurieu Coastline of South Australia this ACR 74, 6400 metre championship course features top fairways, subtle bent greens and classic links style bunkering. ‘Are the greens bent because of what we drank or do they do that on their own?’ questioned Steph after reading the previous description. But of course it didn’t matter because it was just a warm up round before the main event to be played the following day. Thus, the players just lapped up the magnificent conditions and played until was dark, getting in around seventeen holes (see photos from The Links at Lady Bay).

Then it was off to Victor Harbour to meet up with the rest of the tour members, although that somewhat under sells the travel experience. ‘Follow us, we know where we are going’ lied Jacko as he took off cross country in his Subaru with Boog and Harry. And cross country it was as the three vehicles travelled at high speed down dirt roads, rutted tracks, glancing off kangaroos and other wildlife (although no one would own up to that until later in the night). ‘Look it wasn’t like that. We hit the brakes, and locked up well before we hit anything. The kangaroo hopped off without damage and there wasn’t a scratch on the car. It just wasn’t a major story’ claimed Steph who was driving Ricko’s car at the time.

Eventually we arrived at our destination, the 100 year old Grosvenor Hotel located in the centre of Victor Harbour with its wide balconies and friendly staff. As would be expected Normie and Christo were already in the front bar warming it up for the rest of the tour members who slowly trickled in over the next few hours. Pub grub was the order of the day as was eight ball, although a very tall local bloke called Lurch dominated the pool table all night beating eleven players in a row. ‘We wanted to play against each other or play in teams but we couldn’t get the xxxing table away from that bastard Lurch’ moaned a disappointed Christo later in the evening. But it didn’t matter because tour members were bonding … and bonding they continued late into the night. This is where the Grosvenor’s upstairs balcony came into its own. ‘I was told these South Australians were a pack of xxxxxxds but they are nice chaps really’ mussed a surprised Tom, who as you can imagine, really enjoyed the bonding experience. And, as you can imagine, all tour members subsequently slept very well on the first night albeit, a relatively short sleep for most.

Saturday, July 5th McCracken Country Club: Fortunately, the Grosvenor does a great breakfast which helped a number of sufferers prepare for the day. And that was important because the day ahead promised to be particularly challenging. After all it was the first day of the Patricia Isabele Slape Memorial Golf Tournament for 2008 and it was to be played at McCracken Country Club.

Designed by Tony Cashmore, the McCracken Golf Course offers coastal breezes and elevated fairways. The ACR 72 course features 74 bunkers and water in play on several holes with 14 lakes constructed within a beautiful setting of natural watercourses and gentle slopes. ‘Well, that’s what the website says, but in short – ‘water, bunkers and houses’ in a repetitive pattern’ suggested Jacko, who had played there before (see website photos of McCracken Country Club).

And so it was as an extremely promising group of competitors that stepped up to the first tee after the obligatory swig to the honour of Isabel (choice of Jameson’s Irish whiskey or Tequila). The first group away contained last year’s champion Harry, tour organiser Nicko, rally car driver Jacko, and generally bad boy Boog. They were closely followed in the second group by past champion Ricko, got the new clubs under control Boz, and I think I should be fishing JB. Following them in the third group was first time to the event Beau, Victoria’s best hope Steph, and Lurch’s best mate Christo. Bringing up the rear in the last group were two times previous champion Normie, damaged with fern in leg Tom, damaged with cracked rib Min, and wine maker extraordinaire Dewy (see Player groups day 1).

Play to Win. Don’t Let Your Golf Get In The Way: Just to digress for a moment, after reading that player list you will note there were some obvious South Australian absentees in 2008 including ‘don’t reply to invitations’ - Greenie, ‘ignore the invitation’ – Fruitcake, and ‘I’m going to Queensland’ – Critey. In fact, these three chaps are serial offenders as none has completed a PIS tour in the last two years (although a couple of them have turned up for bits of the event). Despite this contemptuous behaviour, an absentee Critey was able to set the theme for the PIS 08 Tour in an email circulated just prior to the event. The email went like this: “I realise you will all be depressed by my absence. Play to win! Don’t let your golf get in the way. Best Regards, Critey” . So there you have it - “Play to win. Don’t let your golf get in the way” subsequently became constantly quoted throughout the weekend. “Well, I found it inspirational” claimed Boz at the time, which might have helped explain his spectacular performance.

Barossa Boys Dominate Day 1:  So staying with the theme, at the end of day one, Boz ended up net 61 strokes, which was eleven strokes under the card, and six strokes clear of next best player. His off the stick score of 101 strokes, combined with his bandit handicap of 40 strokes, made him unbeatable on the day. “He hasn’t done that before. He just played out of his skin today” confirmed a smiling tour leader Nicko after releasing the day one results. “Well after playing golf only twice in the last twelve months, I just didn’t let my golf get in the way. That was the secret” admitted Boz when swamped by the media in the post match press conference.

Another very impressive performance on day one came from Tour Organizer Nicko, who was eighty seven off the stick and five under the card on a net sixty seven strokes (87, 20, 67), putting him in second place overall. “I would have caught Boz but I let my golf get in the way” sighed Nicko as he calculated how far Boz was in front of him. Now, two strokes further back was ‘The Captain’ Ricko, who ended up three under the card (105, 37, 79), after another ‘out of his skin’ performance. “Look, I played like a champion, I ended up three under the card, and am only in third place. It shows how hot the competition was out there” suggested Ricko at a doorstop interview later that night. And he was right because players like JB, who ended just one over the card (111, 37, 73), and Steff who was just three over the card (94, 19, 75), were both ten plus strokes behind the leader. “I’m not discouraged. I know I can win if I don’t let my golf get in the way” stated JB emphatically in the front bar of the Grosvenor later that night. “Look I was happy on the day but I do wonder about the PIS handicapping system” mussed Steph who observed that the top four players after day one were all South Australians and all with generous handicaps. “It’s just sour grapes. Anything can happen tomorrow and particularly with the high handicappers” winked a smiling Jacko who finished just out of the top five (102, 26, 76). “Yeah and particularly when you’ve got those Barossa boys so far out in front” sighed Boog who unusually, let his golf get in the way on day 1 (see photos of day 1 of competition at McCracken).

A Big Saturday Night: Well as you can imagine the Saturday night was an enjoyable affair.  Some players dined in the front bar while others ate in the pub down the street, and yet others forgot to eat at all, or at least until later. The Australia versus France rugby test in the front bar was popular early in the night as was the dozen or so bottles of red wine served by Dewy on the balcony later in the night. “It wasn’t just red wine mate, it was quality red wine” corrected Beau by email after reading the previous line. “And of course the Jaz cigarettes went like wildfire. We couldn’t keep up with demand” observed Normie and Christo who have since considered importing them from Indonesia, but that’s another story.

And throughout the night was a smorgasbord of great conversations and storytelling. Like the one about Ricko offering Min as payment for the meal in the pub down the road. “The waiter was over feminine in his service approach so I thought he might like Min instead of the money. He certainly had a look before seeing a very negative reaction from Min” explained Ricko later in the night. Then there was the one about Dewy being told to watch the back of the ball, after which he drilled these shots with a five wood he was told he couldn’t use. “The guy he borrowed them from said he wouldn’t to be able to use the five wood but Dewy proved him wrong” confirmed Normie who had witnessed the performance. Then there was Steph and Tom’s visit to the local sex shop late on the Friday night. “Look we were looking for takeaway and from a distance we thought was a pizza shop with all those flashing lights” explained Steph sheepishly the following morning.

All Present and Accounted For on Sunday Morning: So it was with some surprise that all tour members were present as the model train worked its way around the Grosvenor’s breakfast room on Sunday morning. In fact, some members like Tom had been up for hours, walking out over the causeway to Granite Island to watch the sunrise. “Yeah but he was in bed by 10pm so no wonder he was able to get up” countered Jacko who for some reason was contemplating an alcohol and tobacco free day. And tour members were relatively quiet as they ate their breakfast and watched the police question a number of staff and other guests across the room. “Two young guys did a runner from a Taxi after visiting those raucous women in Room 22. They are not interested in us older chaps” explained JB after getting the lowdown from a manager. Then slowly the tour party turned their minds to the important issue of the day, the final round in the Patricia Isabele Slape Memorial Golf Tournament for 2008.

Victor Harbour GC Turns Them On: Perched on a hill at the back of Encounter Bay, the Victor Harbour Golf Club is a 5,962 metre, ACR 71 rated course that provides a serious challenge for most golfers. As usual, the player groups on the second day were dictated by the ‘off the stick’ order of merit on the first day. Thus, after the obligatory toast to Patricia (choice of Jameson’s Irish whiskey or Tequila), the first group to step up included tour organisaer Nicko, last year’s Champion Harry, tournament leader Boz and still Victoria’s best hope Steph. They were closely followed by group two with last year’s second place getter Jacko, two time previous champion - Normie, and one time previous champion - Ricko. The third group off the tee contained potential Jaz cigarette importer Christo, can’t win it the first time Tom, and I’m not thinking about fish JB. The final group on the day consisted of I can still win with a cracked rib Min, watch the back of the ball Dewy, I’m still a member at Grange Boog and not usually during the day Beau (see photos of Player groups day 2).

A Stream of Quality Performances: The quality of the field suggested there would be some sensational golf played that day and indeed that was the case. For example, twice past champion Normie got around in 95 strokes, which was the lowest off the stick score on the second day. But this was only good enough to get him equal third place over all. “I gave it my best shot and I was happy today but I let my golf get in the way yesterday” he recalled in the bar later that afternoon. For example, Jacko got around in 96 strokes, second lowest off the stick on the second day. But again this was only good enough to get him into equal third place overall with Normie. “My golf was ok but I let my rally driving get in the way” sighed Jacko as the results were announced in the club house after the round. For example, tour leader Boz followed up on day 2 with a gross score of 124 strokes which when combined with his truly brilliant first day score, put him one stroke ahead of Jacko and Normie in second place overall. “I was disappointed today but had a great time all the same. In the end I let my golf get in the way” he explained as the final results were being announced. For example, tour organiser Nicko got around in 102 strokes which when combined with his 87 strokes from day one gave him the lowest ‘off the stick score’ over the two days of competition, a very impressive performance overall. But it was only good enough to get him into fifth place. “Golf is all about attitude but today I think I let my golf get in the way” he smiled as he prepared for the presentations. 

But The Captain Kicked Arse: There was tension in the air as tour players focused intently on tour leader Nicko running down though the final scores. Slowly, the winner became clear and a clear winner he was beating the field by fourteen strokes across the two days of competition (see full table of results below). It was now two time champion ‘The Captain – Ricko’ who again played out of his skin on the second day. Highlights included Ricko’s best ever nine holes (47 strokes), his best ever 18 holes (99 strokes) and his first and only birdie ever. “Yes the birdie on the seventh was inspirational. It was a pleasure to watch” confirmed playing partner Normie who also got an incredible birdie on the third hole, but that’s another story (see photos of day 2 of competition at Victor Harbour GC).

Presentations Were a Hit: And so it was as tour leader Nicko went thought the presentations for 2008. He started with first time player Beau, who took out the Brutus Thornapple Encouragement award for highest off the stick. “I feel honoured to get anything after letting my golf get in the way all weekend” he smiled as the photographers jostled for position. Next on stage was Christo, who after missing last year’s event, was able to take out the extremely prestigious Bob Hope Fellowship Award for 2008. “My golf may have been average this year but I didn’t let the jaz cigarettes get in the way” he claimed loudly over the applauding crowd of onlookers. Then came the perpetual ’Captain Goodvibes” picture for ‘best off the bat’ across the two days of competition and as mentioned previously, tour leader - Nicko took out this award for the second year in a row. “Again I’m happy with that performance despite my golf getting in the way at times” he smiled at the cameras.

But the highlight of the presentations was where last year’s winner Harry and tour leader Nicko helped an elated Ricko put on the coveted PIS green jacket for 2008. When asked what do you say Ricko, he replied “gungagalunga” as would be expected (see short video of Ricko’s reaction and see 2008 presentation photos including an extended video of Ricko’s acceptance speech).

There Ended The Lesson: And a lesson it was in how to participate in a truly sensational golf event. And maybe there was a lesson for us all in how to select the right set of clubs to play in an event like this. For example, Ricko put together a special set of golf clubs for the PIS 08 that were a combination of his grandfather’s, some he bought from the Salvation Army and a selection of Critey’s clubs to fill in the gaps. “Yeah the neighbours were wondering what Steph was doing in Critey’s backyard when we went to get the clubs. I took Critey’s Big Bertha, a couple of irons and a pitching wedge to finish off my set” he explained to the media who wanted to see what sort of clubs the 2008 champion was using. It will be interesting to see what Ricko does next year when Critey returns to the PIS 09 tour (or will he?).

Poor Victorian Form: Eventually the celebrations wound up and tour members went their separate ways. Steph had to drive Ricko’s car back to the airport while ‘The Captain’ celebrated loudly in the passenger seat with ‘Jumping J Hawkins’ and ‘Vegetarian Stardust Cowboy’ blasting in the background. Ricko made sure the Victorian team were well aware they were not taking home the green jacket in 2008.

So under the circumstances the Victorians were in pretty good spirits as they flew eastwards towards home that night. “They really know how to run a tour” they all agreed at the next nnomads Golf Club committee meeting. “But I’m not sure about their handicapping system” queried Steph to a few nodding heads. “We played to win and tried not to let the golf get in the way. That’s all you can do” suggested Min as the meeting ended and they retired to bar. “Are those cat fur slippers you are wearing Min?” someone was heard asking later in the evening, but that’ another story.

Results: The Patricia Isabel Slape
Memorial Golf Tournament 2008

 

 

Current
Handicap

Round 1

Round 2

Total

Final Ranking

 

Gross

Net

Gross

Net

Gross

Net

Ricko

37

106

69

99

62

205

131

1

Boz

40

101

61

124

84

225

145

2

Jacko

26

102

76

96

70

198

146

3

Normie

27

105

78

95

68

200

146

4

Nicko

20

87

67

102

82

189

149

5

Harry

25

104

79

105

80

209

159

6

JB

38

111

73

126

88

237

161

7

Tom

22

106

84

102

80

208

164

8

Stef

19

94

75

109

90

203

165

9

Christo

28

107

79

115

87

222

166

10

Boog

27

116

89

110

83

226

172

11

Min

33

120

87

121

88

241

175

12

Dewy

39

136

97

134

95

270

192

13

Beau

35

136

101

141

106

277

207

14

 

The Links at Lady Bay

Player groups day 1

On course day 1

Player groups day 2

On course day 2

Presentations

Video of Ricko reaction (large file)

Video of Ricko speech (larger  file)

 

Nnomads CAPS 3.jpg

THIS MONTH COMPETITION: What was the publican missing and where did mins new cat fur slippers?