Teflon
Takes Out the Tournament for 2007
when
contacted by mobile.
Friday
30th Tanunda Pines Warm up Round: And relaxed we all
were as we chatted prior to tee off at Tanunda Pines Golf Club in the
An Official Welcome Lunch to Remember: “Now these South Australians have really
got their priorities right. You play two or three hours of golf and then you
have two or three hours of lunch at a fabulous winery. That is what I call a
warm up day – real balance” mussed Markus some hours later. And he
was right because after the game at Tanunda Pines (or at least after a few
drinks at Tanunda Pines), the group headed off to Kaesler Wines in Nuriootpa,
for a fully sponsored, fabulous and sumptuous, official welcome lunch. Now this
lunch was served with a very impressive range of Kaesler white and red wines to
match a sensational a la carte menu. Anyone would be a fool to miss it. So of
course Fruitcake did miss it, making some feeble excuse as he 
disappeared
into the distance after golf. However it was at Nuriootpa that we gained the final
two tour members in the form of Boz (luncheon sponsor) and JB. “Look I’m quite happy to miss out on the
round of golf but I was not going to miss out 
on a Kaesler red wine lubricated lunch at Boz’s place” explained
JB as he took another bite his sumptuous meal.
So
there were quite a few nodding heads as Tour Organiser Nicko addressed the full
tour party for the first time with his welcome speech, which included a huge
thankyou to Boz for Kaesler’s generous sponsorship of the welcome lunch. The
tour players were certainly bonding well after this almost spiritual
experience. Note: At this stage it was only mid afternoon on the Friday.
{Markus} “Harry, why didn’t you take any photos of the lunch?”
[Harry} “Because the red wine got in
the way”.
On to the Spiritual Home of the PIS: So
after a fabulous and full lunch the tour moved onto the spiritual home of the
PIS – Waikerie, one hundred and ten kilometres north east in the Riverland,
where the Saturday and Sunday golf competitions were to be held. The centre of off-course activity for the weekend was
the Waikerie Hotel Motel in downtown Waikerie, where the tour party was
accommodated immediately above the back bar and bistro area for fast and
convenient access. Hence most tour members were using the downstairs facilities
very quickly, and indeed very successfully. For example, Boog and Boz won
perfect prizes on the wheel of fortune
in the form of a slab of VB, a bottle of Cointreau and a bottle of brandy. “We could have won the meat tray” smiled
Boog as he opened a VB later in his room. For example, Markus and Normie put
the video jukebox to good use hour after hour. For example, Harry was seen
drinking straight rum from a somewhat elaborate martini glass late into the
night (see tour party in bar photos). “Boz
went on to achieve great things last night including continuing the Waikerie
Hotel tradition of a late-night nudey run”
Nicko reminded tour players at breakfast the following morning.
(Actually, that’s not strictly true, but readers will understand if they get to
the end of the article). And if I didn’t say that before, that was something
the Waikerie Hotel Motel did well – breakfast!
Day 1 – A Hard-fought
Competition: But what about the golf you ask? Well ten
players made it onto the tee that Saturday morning at Waikerie Golf Club. Some
were feeling better than others as Nicko once again got out his leather bound,
triple bottle decanter set containing a choice of Jameson Irish whisky, tequila
and liquor port. “A nip before we play
and then we are away.” he announced and the competition for 2007 began.
Well actually it took a while for the three groups to get off the tee with an
array of shot types on display. Nicko, Jacko, Boz and Normie led the field
away, with Harry, Ricko 
and JB close on their heels and Critey, Marcus
and Boog bringing up the rear (See Player
Groups Day 1).
Critey
Sets the Standard while Nicko Lowers the Bar: Now Waikerie Golf
Club is a 5,977 metre, ACR 71 course set in beautiful Riverland country. Of
particular note is the fact there are no bunkers or water hazards on the entire
course. Despite this, Waikerie is a challenging course which was demonstrated
by the scores of a number of players at the end of day 1. “Yeah nothing to do with what we consumed before and during the game
eh” added Ricko over a beer at the end of the round. “Or
last night” added Harry who had started the day very slowly indeed. And
that was an interesting point because at the end on day 1, the person who had
gone to 
bed very
early in the evening the night before, albeit after a lot of red wine etc
during the day, was the same person who was a net six strokes ahead of the
field after Day 1. – Critey! This man got around Waikerie in 103 strokes.
Combined with his bandit handicap of 41 strokes, he ended up net 61 strokes, a
full 10 strokes under the card, 7 strokes ahead of the next place holder Harry
(103,35,68) and 13 strokes ahead of third place holder Jacko (100, 26, 74).
Tour
Organiser Leads By Example: In the off the stick competition, which
has a very attractive Captain Good-vibes painting as a perpetual trophy, Nicko
led the field after day 1. In fact Nicko was the only player to break 100
strokes on Day 1 with a gross 97 strokes. Jacko was next in line with 100
strokes and Critey was there in third with 103 strokes (again illustrating
Critey’s strong performance on the day).
It was clear to most spectators that it would be one of these three that
was most likely to win Captain Good-vibes this weekend.
And
Then There Were Eight: So it was absolutely amazing to see
event leader Critey, along with Captain Ricko, get into the car and head off
for
And so went Saturday night in the front bar, which
incidentally, is absolutely covered in photographs of every famous sporting
star that has ever come from Waikerie, or any place close they can claim as
Waikerie. And of course this 
included its most famous recent star –
Mark Ricciuto (An Adelaide Crows player
for those that don’t recognise the name). And as an aside, apparently the street sign for
Ricciuto drive in Waikerie keeps getting stolen. “They should sell them at the petrol station, which would solve the 
problem” suggested Markus in one late night
conversation, but that is another story.
Tight Field on the Final Day: So after another pleasant night of
socialising and another fabulous Waikerie Hotel Motel breakfast, the final
eight players presented themselves at Royal Waikerie Golf Club for the deciding
game’s play. The first group off the tee were Tour Organiser Nicko, Harry (or
Teflon as they were now calling him), Marcus Octavious, as they were now
calling him and JB. Following them in the second group were Normie (immediate
past winner), Jacko, Boz and Boog, all aspiring winners. At this stage of the
weekend it was impossible to get tour members to stand in player groups for
photos. In fact it was difficult to get all the players in one spot at the same
time (see Player Group Day 2),
unless you had a lure like Nicko’s compulsory swig of something prior to tee
off. Everyone is there for that! “Look,
it’s a tactic I’ve used for years. It’s the best way to make the players
congregate fast. Then you push them straight onto the tee” explained Tour
Organiser Nicko as he held up his triple bottle, leather bound decanter set. “Teflon, I think we need one of those”
suggested Markus when he saw how effective it was. “I’ll put it on the agenda for the next nnomads Golf Club committee
meeting” mumbled Harry as Nicko pushed him onto the first tee.
Quality Shone Through: There were a number of players that
earned mention on day 2. Tour organiser Nicko was again best off the stick with
a 96, one stroke better than the previous day. It was a quality performance
that earned him the Gungagalunga Trophy for best off the bat for the weekend, an average of 96
across the two rounds and five strokes in front of Jacko on an average of 101
strokes. “Look, I am happy with Captain
Good vibes, yes very pleased with that result” smiled Nicko as he posed for
the cameras during the presentations.
Another performance worth mentioning was Jacko who was
second best off the stick on both days. When combined with his bandit handicap
of 26 strokes, it gave him second place on the tour overall. “Thanks for the recognition but I was a few
strokes behind the winner” bowed a humble Jacko when interviewed after the
event.
Now Boz, who was coming to grips with a new set of
clubs, improved by 9 strokes on the second day (down from 122 to 113 strokes).
Combined with his bandit handicap of 41 strokes, Boz ended up with an average
of 117 and third place overall. “I could
have done better, but it wasn’t the clubs” 
commented Boz when chased by the media
later that day.
And Boog also came in three strokes on the second day.
With an average of 105 strokes across the two days, he was equal third place
with Nicko, on a net 77 strokes. “Look my
bet was always on Teflon. I said it from day one” smirked Boog as the final
results became clear.
Harry Was Left Out Front On His Own: But any way you looked at it, Telfon,
alias Harry won the event by five strokes. He had an average of 105 strokes
over the two days and with his absolutely bandit handicap of 35 strokes, he
finished up with net 70, which was two strokes under Par, and a full five
strokes in front of second place getter Jacko on net 75. “I didn’t think I played that well on the second day but apparently it
was good enough. It was a pretty generous handicap” said Harry when pressed
to comment. “Whilst
it is the first time The Jacket has been held by a foreigner, the Committee was
adequately reassured by a simple display of Harry's exquisite
breeding and worthiness when gratefully accepting a gift of
undiluted rum in a very special margarita glass at the bar on Friday
nite. Well played, Harry” said Event Organiser Nicko as
Normie Helped Harry into the converted PIS Green Jacket.
Great
performances recognised: Strictly
speaking, that isn’t true but it sounds good at this point in the article.
Nicko actually said it in an email sent a few days after the event (see The Wash-up email). But that doesn’t matter
because we are trying to create a sense of drama for the rest of the
presentations. And drama there was because Boog and Jacko were joint winners of
The Bob Hope Fellowship Award for 2007, the first time it has ever been shared,
and JB won the inaugural Brutus Thornapple Encouragement award (see 2007 PIS presentations). Now what more could
you say. It was a sensational event and a sensational outcome (see additional Gallery 1and Gallery 2).
Nicko
Declares 07 PIS best Ever: Again, that’s not strictly true either,
but he would have if he thought about it because it was a sensational event and
one of the best PIS events I have ever been to. “So, why haven’t I been before?” asked Markus as he was dropped at
And
so it was for another year. The
Victorians were not only provided with the most spectacular weekend of
hospitality by their South Australian counterparts, they were also allowed to
take home the converted green jacket to play with for 12 months. The nnomads
club committee wants to thank the South Australians for looking after our 2007
team so well. We also hope a nnomads Golf Club team is invited to the 2008
event. “Or else you won’t get your jacket
back” smirked Harry at the last committee meeting while wearing the jacket.
“You can’t get it off him” laughed
Brendoon as the meeting ended and members rushed for the bar.
Results: The Patricia Isabel
Slape
Memorial Golf Tournament 2007
THIS
MONTH COMPETITION: What will you understand if you get to the
end of the article? Hint – If he didn’t say it then, when did he say it?
