The SHanksy Invitational Tournament

The SHIT Trophy

The Bloke missed out again

Nurse Min, Thombei the Mist, Don Johnson and GMAC

Getting louder and louder

Rubber Man, The Bloke, Pup and the Hanging Judge

Smashed Captain with Freddie

Curtis, Freddie and Stavros

In 25 words or less: Curtis won the Cup, The Bloke missed out again, Don Johnson was back in the pack (as planned), Stavros the Greek got the accolades, and The Captain got smashed.

The Don Is Home: For those that don’t know him, Don Johnson is a sloth expat currently living north of Los Angeles in California. He has been living in the United States for over 15 years and only bothers coming home once every five years give or take. So why did he pick this year to come home you may ask, of all years, hmmm??? It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he is on top of the nnomads 2004 league ladder with an unassailable lead and only days to go to the end of the year? Hmmmm [See latest league ladder]. It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was told that any person that wins the annual competition has to be there ‘in person’ to collect the trophy? Hmmmm? [See article Expat from Afar]. And so was born the final nnomads golf club event for the 2004 calendar year, the inaugural SHanksy Invitational Tournament held at Yarra Bend in early December.

Part 1 - Curtis Won the Cup: It was just before 1.30pm when the three groups of competitors set off to contest the event, and a quality field it was. Don Johnson, Thombei the Mist, Nurse Min and GMAC led the field away, with Pup, Rubber Man, The Bloke and the Hanging Judge following in the second group and Stavros the Greek, Curtis and Freddie Five Iron in the last group. Markus Octavious, was unavoidably detained, missing out on a sensational afternoon of golf (we missed you Markus).

Oh yeah, Curtis! He played brilliantly. You know those days when everything goes right? No?, well it did for Curtis. He got home with an off the stick score of 80 and a net score of 64, an amazing 5 strokes under ACR. As an illustration of it all going right, he also won nearest the pin on the 1st nine. The committee congratulates Curtis as worthy winner of this arduous event.

Part 2 – The Bloke missed out again: As readers should remember, TheBloke was runner up in the recent Melb Cup Cup, losing to Rubber man in a playoff. In this event he again came in second, with 92 of the stick and 70 net (one over ACR and an excellent score). If Curtis had missed a putt or two, The Bloke could have been there. It was another consistent performance from the big man under arduous competition conditions. [Well more than a putt or two – quite a few putts actually], but in any case the Club Committee wants to commend The Bloke on his recent competition performance and congratulate him for his runner up status once again. NOTE 1: The Bloke also took out the NTP on the 2nd nine, cementing his top end performance on the day. “At least winning two balls should lift my strike rate.” commented The Bloke as he accepted his prizes graciously. Note 2: Curtis and The Bloke did it again at the Growling Frog a week or so later. Curtis won the game and The Bloke took out the NTP.

Part 3 - Don Was Back In The Pack As Planned: So at a recent nnomads Club Committee Meeting, the 2004 nnomads league ladder situation was discussed. It was pointed out that Don Johnson was ahead with a convincing margin of 10 to 12 points over Stavros, The Cardinal and others not too far behind. Unless there was some kind of miracle [like playing every day until the end of the year], Don would win the 2004 club competition without contesting a single competition event. “How do you win the club competition without entering or winning a single event in the year?” asked The Cardinal at the time. “Well, we do make allowances for Expats and he has done it fair and square. I even checked him out personally during the year to make sure he was legit.” commented Stavros. “And we will be changing the rules next year! But they are the rules for this year’s competition.” confirmed GMAC. “But if there was one more event, that had enough points to be a decider, one more chance to really beat the bastard, then his win, if he did still win, would be legitimate.” suggested The Captain, his brilliant mind in full swing. “Yess! Great idea, and if we had the event immediately after he landed, when his is still jet lagged out, it would be more of an even playing field wouldn’t it.” chimed in an excited Stavros. And so, the plan was agreed to put into action. And it worked well. Don came in with an 88 off the stick and a net score of 71, giving him 3rd place overall (Note 3: Third place didn’t’ get a ball or prize or anything). “We didn’t even have to apply the nobbling adjustment factor.” said Thombei as the final scores were confirmed. “Yeah, that shot on first tee convinced me we had timed the event well. He went almost 80 degrees to the right.” commented Stavros. “Straight onto the 6th fairway” confirmed nurse Min. [NOTE 4: It was 3.30am LA time for Don, so normally he would be asleep – perfect timing.]

Part 4 - Stavros Got The Accolades: Now the package with this event was all inclusive. The Captain’s Rescue and Media Service was on patrol all day [with cart, esky and assorted refreshments driving back and forth between the eleven players in the three groups]. He even evaded the ‘official’ drinks cart, selling non-alcoholic refreshments. “What else have you got?” asked Freddie Five Iron persistently, “Water, orange, coke, iced tea,!” “What else?’ “Big M, Gatorade, V8, iced coffee!” “What else have you got?”. Eventually the guy explained to Freddie they were not allowed to sell alcohol in a National Park and so only had non-alcoholic drinks. The guy also suggested Freddie put his beer in the bin, “as people who drink within the National Park are fined $200”. Freddie thanked him for his advice and concern, before quickly changing the topic of conversation to something else. “So which country owns this National Park anyway?” he asked the drinks attendant [Who became a little confused at this point and drove off to sell drinks to the next group].

Captain’s Rescue & Media Service Excelled: But who needed drinks with The Captain around! “Need a cool water? Something a little weaker?” Unfortunately, The Captain was so successful at handing out the drinks and nibbles we ran out by the 16th hole. “Cummon Stavros, there are only two VBs left and one of them has your name on it.” mimicked Stavros. “He did suggest a larger budget for to catering. Maybe we should have listened to him.” added GMAC after the presentations. And that was the point. At the presentations the crowd thanked Stavros for organising the event. “And the Captain did all the shopping, and half the ringing around. Then he managed the service delivery.” emphasised Stavros as he interviewed later by the media.

Part 5 - And the Captain Got Smashed: Now it is not really what it sounds like so don’t get the wrong idea. You see The Captain wasn’t playing in the game because he had undergone surgery on his finger two days prior to the event [amputation of third index finger as the story went I think?]. “But they stuck on another one.” stressed the Captain bravely as he paraded his bandaged finger at the presentations. So, the hospital had provided the Captain with medication to help manage his post operative pain. ‘The nurse did say half a glass of beer could help a little and I needed a lot of help at the time. It really lifted my spirits.” he added during the post event celebrations. Note: We only used the term “Smashed” in the headline and by-line to get your attention. It was a way of making you read all the way down to here [worked didn’t it]. But The Committee wouldn’t want to be seen to defame, or provoke any form of legal retaliation, and thus strongly reinforces the point that no competitor or support personnel associated with an official nnomads Club Competition event would dare contravene the club rules of conduct during or after a club competition. “And no-one did.” confirmed The Captain, who incidentally was also appointed “Sergeant of Arms” for the day. “You see he really put in today.” added Stavros later, again emphasising “The Captain’s” role in bringing off such a successful event.

 “I’m impressed. Congratulations” said Don Johnson as he presented Curtis with the SHanksy Invitational Tournament trophy for 2004. “Honoured to take this from you!” added Curtis as he eagerly accepted the trophy. And so, it was people. A very enjoyable afternoon with group of the world’s real gentlemen. And of course, it was delightful to see Don [Get beaten?], although he did look a little dazed at the end of it all. “It was like playing golf in your dreams. I think it’s nearly time to get up.” said Don as he wandered to his car at the end of the celebrations.

The committee has suggested this event be put on the regular nnomads Golf Club competition calendar, although it is not quite clear when it would be held. “Surely it can only be played when he is here. That means it will only be played every 5 years or so” said Thombei when the issue was discussed. “Then again, we could play it whether he is here or not. We need an event in December.” he added after thinking about it. The final decision was left to the annual AGM due to be held in the not-too-distant future.

 

Results of the SHanksy Invitational Tournament

Course

ACR

Date

Player

Score

Hcp

Nett

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Curtis

80

16

64

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

The Bloke

92

22

70

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Don Johnson

88

17

71

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

GMAC

98

24

74

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Thombei the Mist

101

26

75

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Stavros the Greek

110

32

78

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Nurse Min

116

33

83

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Pup

100

16

84

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Freddie Five Iron

112

27

86

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Hanging Judge

108

20

88

Yarra Bend (M)

68.6

18/12/04

Rubber Man

110

19

91

 

SHIT at The Bend Action

 

 

 

 

 

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