Stormy ( If the C##t grass don’t get you! The bunkers will! ) Normie Gets Away with The Fairy

Beautiful course Sunday Groups Group 1: Rubber Man, Nicko, Jacko and Curtis Group 2: The Bloke, The Hanging Judge, Greenie and Boog Group 3: Critey, GMAC and Normie Group 4: Nurse Min, Stavros the Greek, Captain and JB Nicko accepting the NTP for 2004 from Curtis in the car park Nicko & Greenie presenting the PIS 2004 Jacket to Normie Banana Splits on tour!

The Victorians approached this event in their normal calculated and cunning way. We lured the South Australians into our home territory, got them to choose the magnificent Port Fairy Golf Club as the venue, planted a sleeper in their midst (‘The Captain... we knew he would keep them up all night) and put together a formidable, highly trained, and well-practiced nnomads team, all focused on bringing home ‘The Jacket’. A master plan was in place, setting the scene for the coup of the century. Friday, July 4^th and 5^th 2004: It was early afternoon when the first competitors started to slip quietly into town. The publican and staff from the Star Hotel didn’t suspect a thing. But little did they know that the Patricia Isabel Slape Memorial Trophy was to take place at Port Fairly that weekend. By 8 pm they started to wonder what was afoot as they sent out for more Coopers Pale Ale. “We’ve sold more Pale Ale in the last 4 hours than we have sold all year.” The publican remarked as Greenie further depleted the stocks. At 10 pm he knew something was up! “Ok you guys! What’s going on? How many more of you Pale Ale drinkers are going to turn up tonight?” Note: On arrival the Victorian team immediately implemented subversive tactics. “If we drink that funny green label stuff the locals will think we are South Australians. If anything goes wrong, they will blame the interstate boys.” Nurse Min quietly suggested to Stavros as they both opened another Pale Ale. Saturday Wasn’t A Warm Up: Port Fairy is located on the west coast of Victoria, perfectly placed to get the freezing artic weather patterns that blast from the south in the middle of winter. “We are trying to be as authentic as possible.” JB justified on the phone to Stavros prior to the event. “It’s the closest thing Nicko could get to St Andrews in Scotland and still get home on Sunday night.” So, at 1pm on the Saturday the 4 groups of competitors teed off for the Canadian Foursomes warm up event (see Saturday groups photos). “Just to get a feel of the course before the real competition tomorrow.” A confident Nicko advised as he teed off straight into the ‘c##t grass’. That was a portent of the black event that was to unfold, particularly for Critey, Stavros, Norm and Nurse Min who played the last two holes in total darkness. But that’s another story. And A PISser It Was: The day of the big event finally arrived with perfect sunshine and a lowering breeze. At 9.45am Nicko read out the groups as the media jostled for position to get the obligatory photo of each group prior to tee off. Two players from each team were paired up in order of nnomads calculated handicap, lowest to highest. Group 1 with Rubber Man, Nicko, Jacko and Curtis were the front-markers and led the field away. Group 2 with The Bloke, Hanging Judge, Greenie and Boog followed . Group 3 became Group 4 as Cam decided Victoria had too great an advantage and withdrew from the competition. “We had better give them a chance.” Cam altruistically observed as he put his clubs back into his vehicle. “Besides I don’t want to wait around for another four or five hours just to watch a predictable presentation. I can be home by then.” With that, he sped off into the distance. That left Critey, GMAC and Normie to have a bit of a ménage a trios as Group 3. Nurse Min, Stavros the Greek, The Captain and JB then made up the back-markers in Group 4. Big Scores On A Big Course: Now this was a big, ‘links’, wind battered course and the scores reflected it. The fact that some competitors got to bed at 4am and were up at 7am had nothing to do with it. Curtis with a splendid 95 was the only competitor under a century, but with a handicap of 16 he could only manage 5^th place. The Hanging Judge came in on the 100 but suffered a similar fate to Curtis (100/20) ending in sixth place. The best the South Australians could do off the stick, was Jacko (101/ 28) and Nicko (101/25) who ended up third and fourth respectively. But Where Were The Victorians?: The embarrassing story of the day was the complete lack of Victorians in the final two (or four for that matter). Critey (114/43) pushed the front markers into the background but Normie came storming through (114/47) with a net 67 to win by four strokes! “But I played with him yesterday and I thought a handicap of 47 was appropriate.” a dejected Nurse Min proffered as the final results sunk in. “It should be a maximum handicap of 36.” in frustration Curtis replied. “There is still time for an appeal!” he shrieked as he tried to get Nicko’s attention. But the horse had bolted. The South Australians ended up taking the top four spots, with a clear 12 strokes to the first Victorian on the list. To make matters worse, they also won the teams event on both days. ‘Right! We have got them where we want them”. Still in denial, GMAC optimistically observed, “next year their handicaps will come in big time, we’ve got to take a long term view.” His optimism was lost on his fellow team members as the Crows gathered to feast on the presentations. Nicko Was Elated and Greenie Was Gracious: Last year’s winner Greenie, and previous holder of the ‘The Jacket’, was gracious with his remarks. “Welcome to an elite club my boy.” he said as he helped Normie put on the jacket. “There was no better man on the day”. Nicko observed, in a moment of profundity, as congratulations were offered. “And we really put it up those Mexicans!” he added loudly under his breath to Jacko, as he walked back towards the bar. “Well, the Team D strategy really worked today.” said Normie as he nodded to Critey. “If it wasn’t for that c##t grass I might have won by more” Nicko won the NTP for 2004 but didn’t get his trophy until later as it was somehow mislaid during the presentations. “I thought I better not hide it any longer.” Curtis admitted as he gave the cup to Nicko in the car park later. “Just to cap off a clean sweep for the confederates.” Nicko taunted as he gleefully posed for the waiting media. Face The Fact nnomads: An hour later there was no one to be seen. Port Fairy was wondering what had happened while the Publican at the Star was still counting his money with glee.” If only we didn’t run out of Pale Ale so early” he muttered with regret as he closed the safe with our money securely inside. “Well, you have got to hand it to them.” Curtis finally admitted to Rubber Man as they slowly drove back to Melbourne. “Yeah. They came, they played, they conquered.” Stavros added poetically whilst waving to Nurse Min as they passed him on the freeway. The nnomads committee of management would like to extend our heartiest congratulations to Nicko and the SA crew for running such a stunning event. And a special thanks to The Captain for organising the Victorian local headquarters for the weekend (which proved to be MACs house of 20 years ago, but that’s another story). Members! On a more serious note, just look at the following score card. It is not a pretty sight. We now have a task - to rebuild before next year’s event. We all need to focus on the Patricia Isabel Slape Memorial Trophy in 2005. Put it in your diaries now!

Beautiful views Prised P.I.S. Jacket Saturday Groups Group 1: Greenie, Rubber Man, Curtis and Boog Group 2: The Bloke, Hanging Judge, Nicko and Jacko Group 3: Cam, GMAC, The Captain and JB Group 4: Critey, Stavros the Greek, Normie and Nurse Min Critey’s All-weather head gear Now where did that ball go? Prime mover with double bogy.

Results: The Patricia Isabel Slape Memorial Trophy 2004

Course	ACR	Date	Player	Score	HCP	Net
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Normie	114	47	67
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Critey	114	43	71
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Jacko	101	28	73
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Nicko	101	25	76
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Curtis	95	16	79
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Stavros the Greek	111	32	79
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Hanging Judge	100	20	80
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Greenie	103	22	81
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Boog	104	22	82
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Pittman	122	37	85
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	The Captain	125	36	89
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Nurse Min	123	32	91
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	GMAC	116	24	92
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	The Bloke	116	22	94
Port Fairy	70.9	04/07/04	Rub Man	118	18	100